I'm here to inform the world of an age old disease that has been flying under the radar since the beginning of time. But for some odd reason no one has been able to contain or even care that they have been effected. It's probably the symptoms of this ridiculously contagious disease. Here are some specifications of this epidemic.
Love Cancer (A report from the Department of Disease Control)
Season:
This is one of the most deadly characteristics of this disease, it can occur anytime during the year. The season starts as soon as 12:00 A.M. on JANUARY FIRST!! On this day the mildly rambunctious individual will have a strange urge to kiss only ONE person. It's some weird ass tradition called "bringing in the new year" more like "starting with new tears". Because if you are the unfortunate fool that catches this rapidly spreading disease it will become malignant...FAST!!
The height of the season occurs sometime during the middle of February. No one is safe during this time, so I just suggest you roll up in bed with some NightQuil and wait till the disease passes. However there is no clearing in sight EXCEPT a sliver time in late March or early April, depending on the region. This sliver of hope only occurs for about a week but it is your only hope to combat this disease. The pioneers of the school system as well as the Center for Love Cancer Control (CLCC) has devised a stretch of time called "Spring Break"!!
Rolling out of "Spring Break" you need to hold strong because Summer is rolling around the corner and a phenomenon is about to happen. Maybe it's the pollen in the air, but one of Love Cancer's minions is about to shape..."SUMMER LOVE" *UGH* Summer Love is terrible, it turns a perfectly healthy guy/girl into a "I want to spend my summer with only you" victim. If you encounter this please consult your nearest stripper, they are the Angels of Love Cancer Control.
After summer, hold strong because Halloween is right around the corner. Halloween is only break in the Fall and Winter season of Love Cancer. This is the only day in the year where girls and guys can pretend to be other people to hide from the deadly disease. So take advantage of this gift my friend because when "Christmas" rolls around...YOU ARE SCREWED!! Talk about a long winter. The bears have the right idea...Hibernation...research is in progress.
Symptoms:
* Beware of warm "feelings" in your stomach...you might throw up.
* Lightheadedness
* The urge to be Monogamous
* Recognition of any arbitrary occurrence that happens between you and the other victim during LOVE CANCER.
* The want to "spend time" with your new love overwhelms Super Smash Brothers
* Cuddling
* more to come...
Treatment:
Really there is none, because in all honesty it's pretty great.
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